(the pictures from the last few posts were looking sorta kinda melancholy so i searched for a new, brighter, more sanguine art piece to welcome random stragglers...)
(these are by a young artist named Majeak Ann from the Carribean. I like :)
It's been decided that rather than shut down, I will merely start anew...
so thanks for coming
come back if you're ever bored
and on those days when i have something impersonal to share, i'll share
:)
old habits die hard
meet you in yerushalayim ir hakodesh
tata
- chani
the sun will rise no matter
thank G-d for that
i do hope this day finds you well and refreshed
with places to go
and people to see
and purposes to fill
~~
go on...
be stronger than yesterday
Manis says...
don't try to be a good daughter
or a good mother
or a good friend
or a good jew
everyday just start again.
that's all, just start again.
it doesn't matter that you weren't your best yesterday.
that you messed up last week.
that you came up short last year.
start again.
every
single
day.
i liked that.
:)
everything i want to write about seems lame
or repetitious
or self righteous
or trying
i want to tell you how refreshing the tanya class was last night
and how it's so important to learn
but you know this already
i want to tell you what an awesome day it is today
and how the mountains near the valley are so clear
but how many times can i tell you about my day
i want to tell you about the mosaic lamp on my desk
the one that nina made me out of broken plates and plaster
but why would you care
......
i feel i've exhausted all my ideas and just keep coming back to the same thoughts
the same thoughts...
over and over and over and over again
it's not about you
it's not about you
it's all about you
get over yourself
get over yourself
happiness is a choice
go do something good
something good
it's all the aibishter
who do you think you are
you don't need to be right
nothings more foolish than your pride
swallow it
g
u
l
p
just
by
the
way
sukkos
is
my
fave
holiday
at
the
moment
our sukkah glows at night from the outside
cuz it's got fiberglass walls
blue. green. yellow.
the view from my window upstairs at night is fantastic
like something from another world
dark
night
glowing
sukkah
like a metaphor
i tried to take a picture
but all it captured was the screen
:)
~
dunno if i'm supposed to just randomly type on chol hamoed
pinkies only...
ah git moed tzu alemen
a heilike yontif
mit lib
c
cyber life is merely a reflection of reality
popularity contests masquerade themselves as blogs/myspace/facebook...
tonight i just wanna shut down my facebook account
what's the point? to see how many people i know?
who am i kidding
friends?
half of these people i wouldn't feel comfortable enough to call tonight for a chat
***
but then again it's not called friendbook, it's called facebook
the faces of our lives
that's the cool thing about it.
the ability to hook up with random people you otherwise would have no connection with
like jordana wayne who used to be the first one picked up on the bus cuz she lived all the way in downey when fooman was our bus driver and the bus stunk like smelly rags and this gross cleaning spray he used to clean witth every day and fooman would say don't anyone make a peep and jordana would say "peep".
that's cool
***
but it also gives you an unwanted peek into the lives of some people you'd rather not peek into
like the ones who if you met them on the street you would never know how lost and confused they are but then you go onto their facebook and pictures don't lie and you're like noooooo don't tell me you fell for the world and all it's shtuyot!
dang
i hate that
***
on the other hand it's quite the convenient method of keeping up with people you met over the summer while travelling in israel sans camera who were kind enough to take pictures of you on the hike through nachal amud and then tagged you so not only you can remember what an awesome trip you had but all your friends can travel vicariously through you and then comment on your pictures with quotes like "chani you look amazing" and make you feel like a million bucks.
***
then there's the whole privacy issue
i feel as if suddenly my cellphone is picking up snippets of hundreds of conversations that i have no right to evesdrop on and telling me all kinds of things i have no business knowing
***
so i want to shut down
now
tonight
***
but then i think - ahh, get over yourself girl its just a stupid facebook
no need to get all worked up about it
there's stupidity everywhere you go
and besides you always overreact and take everything so seriously
why must you always see the bad in things
focus on the good
***
then i realize i'm blabbing to a whole bunch of people i don't even know and i should probably shut up cuz this is worse than facebook
lol
They say I'm too heavy
too deep
too thoughtful
They say I take things
just a little too seriously
They say
I speak
in short
splurty
sentences
They say
take a chill pill
on a crooked hill
till
the sun fill
bill
mill
Run along now dear
no need to care
life isn't that meaningful
Relax
You're not meant to take each lesson to heart
the stuff you learn
in those holy books
leave it for the holy ones...
and besides
it's giving me the heebie jeebies
They'd rather
I keep it all
light
and
fluffy
silly
chilly
randomly random
blah
blah
blah
pitter patter chatter
;)
.
.
.
.
.
.
But not you
noooo
not you
you're right here with me
nah
you're way ahead of me
~~~
dedicated to a year old friend from the town near the ocean with the beautiful sunset filled sky.
g'night my dear...
:)
Dearest friend,
for the days you really needed someone to talk to
so you called
but i was too busy
do i said i'd call back
thinking it was one of those days you just wanted to chat
i'm sorry
for all those times i wasn't myself
cuz i was uncomfortable and over-compensating
or self conscious in a crowd
so i said things i didn't mean
i'm sorry
for all those little moments
getting annoyed with you
for stupid things i do myself
but i expect everyone else to forgive me
i'm sorry
for rolling my eyes
for putting you on hold
for leaving a little bruise on your heart
for saying the wrong thing
for not backing you up
for taking away some of your chips
for being too closed
for being too open
for loving myself more
i'm sorry
~~~~
gmar chasima tova
it's a whole new year...
moshiach better come.
love
to
you
all
c
p.s. for trying to sound poetic on my blog... sorry about that too :)
Sitting in Shmateo
eating frosted flakes
and soy milk
in a fleishig bowl
on erev rosh hashana 5768.
~~~~
I remember once going to the Ohel with my little sister.
And as I sat writing,
surrounded by people writing away their sorrows,
all those sobbing sphardim, pensive chassidim, teary eyed moms...
she sat there slightly bored.
Having already written the general intro and extro on her pan.
She turned to me -
"Chani, I have nothing to write."
~~~~
This Rosh Hashana I give you all a bracha
that you should never have "anything to write",
no true sorrows, struggles, hardships, health/wealth/relationship issues to cry about.
We should only pray from gratefulness and thankfulness and joy
rather than from lack and need and sorrow.
Moshiach nower.
Ksivah v'chasima tova ~ L'shana tova umesuka ~ A gut gebentched yar
Love,
Chani
one day my cell phone rang and i didn't want to look and see who it was cuz all day the phone rang and it was about annoying work or uncomfy decisions or stressful situations...
ring
ring
ring
ignore
ignore
ignore
then my curiosity got the best of me...
i peeked at the caller id...
.
.
.
relief
floods
my
whole
body
huge
smile
:)
:)
:)
IT WAS YOU!!!
(phew)
bs'd
Crown Heights in August.
It's muggy and humid with just the right amount of green to make it bearable.
~~~~
We're sitting on the porch swing.
Bubby swings with her feet in those sturdy black shoes from Israel.
The ones she says are "the best".
She thinks they're from Tsfat and calls my aunt who lives there to send her a new pair every not-so-often.
Little does she know my aunt needs to shlep all the way to Yerushalayim or Bnei Brak to buy them.
She never told her.
~~~~
Bubby swings us.
Forward, backward.
Then sideways.
Side to side to side.
Forward, then sideways.
She looks at me.
"Which way do you like better?"
:)
She laughs.
Bubby has the best laugh.
We've never met
And may never again
Yet we sway to the same tune
And sing to the same song
And dance with eyes open, closed
I'm in a huge stadium surrounded on all sides by fellow Jewish maidens
Music is so unifying
It breaks down all barriers with people like language or opinion
Arms wrapped around strangers, sisters
Avremel steps out on the field.
No music
Just one voice
"Lama lama ma, nikra..."
Hundreds of thousands of voices
"...Moriah, al shem hamor hatov al shem hamor hatov..."
Totally overwhelmed by the sweet voices
And sweet words
In this holy land flowing with sweetness
All alone
Just a soul in a sea of souls
Crying
Just standing and listening and watching and swaying back and forth and back and forth
I love my people
It was a taste of moshiach
see you there
:)
Raindrops are falling.
The rain pitters and patters.
Cozy.
So cozy.
Warm and toasty.
It's hard to get up on days like these.
Hard to work.
Hard to be proactive.
Hard to make decisions.
Hard to make plans.
Hard to be inspired.
~~~
Makes me think how some people have rainy lives.
And keep waiting for the weather of their lives to clear up.
Keep waiting for the rain to stop...
The skies to clear...
The sun to come out...
Then I'll get up.
Then I'll get on with life.
Then I'll start to live.
Till then they just curl up in bed with a hot cocoa and a good book.
Just waiting for a better day.
Waiting.
Waiting.
Till the cocoa ain't so hot.
And the book lost its charm.
So sad.
~~~
Sometimes the rains can last for quite some time.
And if they do, paint your walls yellow.
Invite all the happy people over to your place.
Plant flowers that grow well with rain.
Buy bright umbrellas and silly boots.
Play songs that make the heart laugh.
Choose life.
Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life. Choose life.
Choose.
type it enough times and it starts to look funny.
choose.
choose.
choose.
like kaboose.
hehe.
In the little synagogue near the big park we would meet.
the sky this morning is covered by clouds
i sit on bubby's porch
the only ones awake at this wee hour are the ultra pious, the ultra responsible and the housekeepers
i love jetlag the kind that makes me wake up with the sun
only today there is no sun.
just clouds
i can remember the first conscious time i flew in a plane on a cloudy cloudy day
it was cold
and gray
and sad
in may
and we rose above the clouds on wings through pillows of moisture
when suddenly there was the sun
shining
shining so so brightly
and it hit that young pigtailed, brown haired, brown eyed child
the sun was there all along
it is always shining
whether we see it or not
come snow come storm
come wind come clouds
come sadness come heartbreak
come home
i like this lesson
:)
We missed the last bus from tverya so we hailed a taxi.
Still haven't figured out the difference between arab and secular israeli drivers.
This one is no exception.
Warily, we enter the vehicle.
Your name?
Avi.
From Jerusalem.
Smiles all around.
Avi is in a mood that is not good.
And we are in his car.
So he begins to speak.
Angry.
Sad.
Of Israel and it's government.
Of soldiers and hands tied and world opinion and America and money.
Of us and our cozy lives far from the violence.
He mourns aloud for twenty minutes or so.
Then all is silent.
So what is the solution?
Avi doesn't skip a beat...
Moshiach.
Of course.
There is no other answer.
(hand on head) I may not wear a kippah, but I believe...
Walla.
:)
I love my people.
The mosquito just flew by the screen.
It's 4:33 am Italian time.
I am lagged by a jet.
And trying mighty hard not to get bitten.
Wanna know something real cool about being in Italy?
I log into my blog and find stuff like:
visualizza blog.
crea.
modifica post.
modera commenti
operazione completata
ora blogger consente di salvare le tue bozze automaticamente!
(ten blog points if you figure out what they mean)
Then the keyboard's got all these neat little things like:
è
é
ò
ç
°
à
ù
§
Instead of end it says fine.
And enter says invio.
But ESC still says ESC.
:)
K.
I'm gonna try to go to sleep.
who are you?
what makes you who you are?
your job?
your family?
your hobbies?
your tastes?
what you like to do on the weekend?
who am i?
am i my quirks?
my friends?
my wardrobe?
my talents?
the things i like to talk about?
the things i like to do?
strip away the layers and reveal your soul.
i'm sick and tired of layers.
Melancholy breeds depth
Depth breeds thought
Thought breeds creativity
Creativity breeds art
~~~
Life is simply refreshing
And delightfully busy
B"H
I have no time to think
Or write
~~~
Breathe in and enjoy
The fresh scent of summer
The blessing of family
The energy of concerts
The power of special people
The joy of creating someone else's yesterday
L'chaim
To days so full, there's no time to blog
:)
Sarah has been on chemo now for over four years.
A tall thin girl to begin with, she has lost much weight as well as much hair.
Sarah looks so frail and blue, with her lungs lacking oxygen so it's hard to breath or talk.
Life can not be easy.
Yet she sits.
And smiles.
Breathlessly chatting with me about her upcoming visit to California.
I tell her,
"Sarah, you are amazing."
She tells me,
"Chani, I'm not coming to California for an ego boost."
.
some things never change
like the symphony of crickets chirping outside of my window
they lull me to sleep
so sleepy
eyes are droopy
heart is happy
this day was long and lived and loved
family bbq chill-outs are a blessing
not in disguise
B"H
eli is a rock
and one day when life slows to a peaceful crawl and i find some time to write, i will share the tale of the surprise gift
(new ipod and speakers who had their debut tonight)
thanks razelle
you are a lovely gazelle
.
Listen up buster.
You have a problem with my idealism?
My faith?
My purpose in this world?
What's the alternative...?
To be a cynical, pessimistic loser like you?
Never.
For I have a G-d
And I have a soul.
And I have a Rebbe.
And I still believe with complete faith in the coming of Moshiach.
And though he may be stuck in traffic on the 405, I shall wait for him every day that he shall come.
So there.
Good night my sisters everywhere.
How awesome is it.
That we all see.
The same exact moon.
Hashem rocks the house.
Yossi says go private.
The world is full of crazy people.
Bluma says get over it.
Esty doesn't understand the whole blog world.
She has far more important things to do and has tuned me out long ago.
:)
~~~
What I want to know is What would the Rebbe say?
.
This is a post for you to come back and read one of those days when you're feeling kinda like a loser slash loner slash need someone to talk to person.
That day when all the clouds are grey.
And your friends have gone away.
Your memory draws a blank on all happy thoughts and occasions that may have happened in your life.
You forget you've ever done anything worthwhile.
You doubt anyone is thinking of you or missing you.
You can't find a single thing to smile about.
You feel sad.
You feel lonely.
You feel like nobody cares about you.
You feel like zero.
Life is full of forks in roads.
To go left.
To go right.
The road less traveled is also less marked, leaving the traveler to their own disgression as to which way is the right way to go.
I've dabbled with the idea for some time now.
It's been fun.
Living on the edge and all...
But this shepherdess is relocating to safer pastures.
:)
p.s.
Email me for an invite.
If I don't know you and you want to be invited... have a friend of yours who's a friend of mine email me with your email address and I'll add you to the list.
Here's wishing you a juicy, tangy, deliciously refreshing shabbos.
From your friend in the O.C.
p.s.
I picked up two of my nephews to spend shabbos with us.
We spent the night with my brothers kids.
Cousins on shlichus with the rare chance to hang out together...
This morning Menachem asks me if Yaakov is his cousin.
I say yes.
He says, "that means he can share his lunch with me".
:)
Shlichus.
It changes how you see everything.
Gotta love it.
Last week I came down with a horrible case of bad mood.
The doctors said it was a bug and I was highly contagious.
So they locked me up in quarantine for a few hours.
~~~
Did you ever go slip 'n' sliding and land a major belly flop that knocked the air out of your belly for the full ride till the end of the yellow slippery plastic?
And then get up and run right back to the end of the line for your next turn?
Kids are awesome.
~~~
Some welcome life's challenges as an opportunity for growth, strengthening of character and sensitivity to others.
Some use 'em as crutches of all colors, sizes and shapes to hobble through a life full of blaming others.
Who am I to judge?
~~~
Hashem only gives you what you can handle.
I can't handle a mosquito bite.
(ahem)
~~~
Snap, crackle, pop.
The sounds of breakfast.
Who was the first to invent the 'helicopter - vroom - open your mouth trick'?
~~~
Big brothers are so wise.
~~~
At times my opinion makes all the difference in the world.
At times my opinion is not even called for.
I'll shut up now.
;)
~~~
(p.s. have a totally chof sivan day. happy b-day to m.r.m. :)
I wish I could take you with me wherever I go.
You are the balance on my seesaw.
You are the pride of my days.
The security of my nights.
I wish I could build a house next door to yours.
With joining kitchens and laundry rooms and backyards.
You cook like my mother.
You look like my soul.
You make me laugh.
You make me comfortable.
You make me normal.
You listen.
You nod.
You space out.
You space in.
You're there for me to lift me up.
To patch me up.
To fill me up.
Happy birthday sis.
I love you.
Why is it that no matter how many times I fill up for gas, I always run out?
And need to fill up again.
And again.
And again.
It doesn't matter that I did it yesterday.
The bed.
The dishes.
The hair.
The smiles.
The shoulders.
The words.
The patience.
The joy.
The time.
The commitment.
The respect.
The hugs.
The understanding.
Need I say more?
Everyday is a whole new world.
See you on the other side of morning.
:)
I'm sitting frozen on the bench swing.
Facing the pool.
Two of them just landed on the pool gate, not far from the leftover challah from last shabbos.
I heard them just minutes ago chirping with their friends in the neighbors trees.
Playing.
Chasing.
Flitting.
The brave one takes the first daring leap off the gate.
Three more have joined...
They follow the leader to feast on half of a stale loaf from shwartz's bakery.
One man's trash is another birds lunch.
I'm afraid to move.
The swing begs to be swung.
My mind starts up with me.
Blog.
Must blog about this.
The words have already begun forming.
I'm sitting frozen on the bench swing...
~~~
Reminds me of a summer where I spent many days doing 1000 piece jugsaw puzzles, one after the other until I starting seeing puzzles every time I closed my eyes at night.
Then I started playing Tetris around the same time...which eventually led to puzzle shaped pieces falling in a Tetris game in the movie of my mind.
Then there was the time I was designing mezuza cases. Fabrics and colorful designs filled my room and my mind until I started seeing everything in life as a potential mezuza case design.
A patchwork couch.
A gold, orange, blue sunset.
An Oilily dress.
~~~
Years have passed.
My world is becoming a blog.
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!
;)
Gut shabbos shvesterlachinlachin.
(laughing sisters...i like)
it's starting to smell like summer
the air is sunny
the breeze is breezy
pool party at my place
trader joes chocolate soy ice cream popsicles
and lotsa sunscreen
:)
Yes, yes, yes.
Smile.
Sure!
No problem.
Oh, my pleasure.
So not a big deal...
Of course!
Any time.
Life as a people pleaser was good.
I was liked.
You were happy.
Everything was wonderful.
~~~
Then one year I was hired as a teacher at a new school.
The seasoned and slightly fatigued staff welcomed me with warning looks.
And words of doom...
"Look out, they will take advantage of you. Don't be too nice. Be sure to say no!"
And so I did.
~~~
No.
Nope.
Sorry.
Busy.
Gotta go.
Uh, uh.
Maybe later.
Days followed weeks followed months.
The school year was nearly done.
Then one fine day the sweetest, kindest rabbi in all of school approached me, asking for my help with a program for a group of college students.
As usual, I proudly stood my ground.
And with a firm shake of the head, the newly strong, stand-up-for-myself-me apologized.
I was unavailable.
We turned to walk away.
I took a few steps.
Then my heart came crashing down.
From that place where it had been stuck all year.
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!
You would love to help... and especially college students... not to mention that this rabbi is the nicest rabbi who goes out of his way to help everyone no matter what no matter who... and what happened to you anyways???"
Sa-wing batta' batta'.
Talk about extremes...
So where's the balance?
~~~
The bottom line is this.
People pleasing is not a problem.
Being a "yes man" is not a bad thing either.
The problem is that most of the time people pleasing is not about pleasing the people.
It's about being liked.
How many times did you do something for a cause, when the cause was really you?
True, it's better to do the kindness for the wrong reasons than not at all...
But there's a time when you need to stop and take a good look at your life.
Why do I do what I do?
How important is it to me that I be liked?
Is this what motivates my goodness?
So yeah, go right ahead, please the people.
When you can of course.
Be pleasant.
Be friendly.
Go out of your way to do another person a kindness.
But remember:
"Life is about helping people, not about them liking you". - B.M. (L.)
Hollywood stars are like bubbles in my pool.
One person's compliment can be another's insult.
Silence is golden.
Big fish, bigger fish, biggest fish. Some people only like to be the biggest fish so they dare not hang with anyone bigger than them lest they be a smaller fish. But then they will never grow or learn anything new.
Matisyahu is a real good Jew.
Some people actually marry for money.
My niece once came home from second grade very upset because her teacher had said a bad word. She wouldn't say it out loud so she whispered in her mother's ear.
"hate".
Wow.
Reality is everything. If you are trying to live in a reality contrary to the lifestyle you were created to live...you will never be happy. Change your reality, change your life.
If you believe, even a rock can heal you.
So much sadness.
Rabbi Levitansky passed away today.
Unbelievable.
Wow.
Some people are meant to live forever.
Leaders.
Legends.
My memories of him are at camp rallies; this little rabbi with the energy and youthfulness of a kid, doing cartwheels on the grass in front of the bleachers to the chants of "Rabbi Levitansky mach ah kuleh..."
Rabbi Levitansky was awesome.
May his family be comforted among the mourners of tzion v'yerushalayim.
I can't even imagine...
Be a lighthouse.
Be a lamplighter.
Be a life boat.
Be a bonfire.
Be a spring.
Be a rock.
Be a soldier.
Be a ray.
Warm the hearts of all you meet.
Love peace.
At all costs.
Laugh in the face of peer pressure.
Dance in the shadow of galus.
Beg for Moshiach.
Happy birthday Eli.
You're an honor to me.
Love,
c
The lake at El Dorado Park is famous for it's ducks.
The ones who used to fly and land in our pool.
(using it as a public restroom thus necessitating the need to purchase a blow up shark which shockingly scared them off for good.)
Shavuos afternoon I took Zalman, Shalom and Sheindel for a picnic to the park.
After our fab meal of potato knishes and apple crumble we set off to look for ducks.
Halfway around I stopped dead in my tracks.
More like alive in my tracks.
There.
In front of us.
In the water.
One mama duck with six little ducklings...
Little baby ducklings.
Brand new.
All in a row, swimming in the lake.
They were so tiny!
And fuzzy!!
And adorably adorable!!!
:)
Gevalt.
Hashem is awesome.
Take a moment and concentrate on yourself,
on your true inner self,
not on your performance and how you project yourself to others;
and be at peace with yourself knowing that G-d created a very special person which is you.
- Simon Jacobson on the last day of the omer.
I'm really gonna miss counting sefirah.
Till next year...
(sniff)
Goodbye my friend.
1. Torrey Pines
Torrey Pines in La Jolla CA.
It's dry and dusty and windy.
Following a rugged path of green and brown and beige.
Then nature surprises you with a shock of blue.
Oh my goodness.
Awesome sky.
Awesome water.
So steep.
Landing in a paradise.
With cake-like cliffs and stunning ocean views.
Not to mention rock heaven.
I love.
2. Rain
It's raining.
I'm inside.
Cozy.
Pitter patter on the roof.
Snuggled up in bed.
Wanna stay here all day.
It's drizzling.
Me and Bluma go for a jog.
Misty.
Breathe in.
Fresh as spring.
Splashing on the way to shul with Chaim in brand new patent leather shoes.
Ma's gonna kill.
I love driving through big puddles and making a wall of water.
3. This skirt
Ralph Lauren 4 years ago.
$360
For jean.
Yeah.
My thoughts exactly.
Why buy when you can just save the picture?
So I did.
Boomerang, wack.
Ouch.
Life is mighty tricky.
Especially when it comes to other people.
One can never be sensitive enough.
One can never think enough before speaking.
One can never think enough of how someone else will be effected by what they say or do.
Even when they are doing something good.
Does my righteousness cast you in a lesser light?
Do my heartfelt prayers make you sound shabby?
When I grow - does it leave you feeling short?
Please come.
To my place this Shavuos.
Midnight till the crack of dawn.
All night learning with lots of good food.
Good friends.
Good books.
Good times.
Good chimes.
Good rhymes.
Good cheese cake.
Come what may, please come.
Doesn't matter how.
Just come.
See you there.
At the mountain of life.
Where the roses are sweet.
The thorns are sharp.
All challenges are surmountable.
And your guide is thousands of years old.
Engraved in saphire.
Whichever way you look at it.
Awesome.
T'is an honor to climb with you.
Meet you at the top...
Kings, queens and washing machines.
Not to mention warriors.
And soldiers.
And sisters.
And ice cream.
Just because someone has a blog, does that mean they have to post?
Words, words, words.
I'm so sick of words...
What can I say that hasn't already been said?
Stop talking already and do something girl.
Oh this world is such a narrow bridge.
The fine line between too much and too little.
You are nothing.
You are everything.
Don't talk so much.
Don't be so silent.
It's not about you.
It's all about you.
~~~
L'chaim to finding your perfect balance.
Have an awesome week.
Don't beat yourself up if you fall prey to your n.h.
Do something for someone else if you feel depressed.
Greet everyone with a smile.
Judge everyone favorably.
Try to live like a chassid.
What's mine is a yours and what's yours is yours.
And remember - you are the purpose for creation.
Go do something about it.
It's been a long time.
Since I knew you.
It's been a long time.
Since I wrote to you.
But does that make me not your soldier?
Not your sister?
Not your friend?
Nacho libre?
~~~~
Regards from a week without internet in an old age home rehabilitation center in Massachusetts.
Oh the experiences...
So very tired.
Must go bed.
Need a serious massage.
Let's talk tomorrow, yes?
Yes.
Ah gutten chodesh to you and you and you.
Mit lib,
chana
CAN YOU LISTEN?
by Z.F.
I must tell my story
There is something on my mind
A clot in my heart I must clear
It happened yesterday
Its impact on me was intense
I'm afraid recovery will take a while
I am telling you my story.
Can you listen to me?
But you answer my question
You advise and analyze,
“Life's not that bad. If there's a will there's a way.”
But I don’t hear you
I’m a heart, not a brain
Don’t give me advice
Don’t tell me it’s false
I can’t understand
I am trying to tell you my story.
Please listen to me.
Change of pace
You encourage and console me instead,
“Oh, you’ll be fine, I’m sure you’ll pull through.”
But I don’t hear you
It is now, not later
Console me then
When I have conquered my grief
I did not tell you my story.
Why can’t you listen to me?
---
I must tell my story
There is something on my mind
And the clot in my heart is still there
What can you do to soften my pain?
Listen. Please, just listen to me.
~~~~~
FOUR TYPES:
by Z.F.
There are four types of people.
The ignorant says “what’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is mine.”
The pious says “what’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is yours.”
The wicked says “what’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is mine.”
Then there are those who know how to count.
The wicked is wicked because he is a robber.
But the ignorant should also be a robber. One may not take another’s possession even with intention to replace it.
And the pious should be poor. Or foolish. We are not supposed to give away more than one fifth of our assets to others (barring certain situations probably not applicable to the pious).
Allow me to conclude therefore, that we are not discussing physical belongings. We are discussing the moral status of a favor.
The ground zero of favors is “what’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is yours.” If I did you a favor, it’s yours. Keep it. It is my gift to you. Don’t bother repaying it, because there is no such thing as “repaying a favor”. And if you do me a favor, don’t think you’re all hot, and you have one on me. I owe you nothing. It was a favor. From your heart.
In short: don’t expect favors. This is the foundation of the moral status of favors. He who knows this, is normal. But he who practices it shouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t make many friends. And you know, in Sodom there were no friends.
If someone thinks favors are exchanges (“I gave you money when you needed it, give me money when I need it! Where’s your hakoras hatov?!”), you know he is plain dumb. Hakoras hatov means I thanked you when you did me a favor. Now go away. You can’t make be beholden to you by being nice to me. It doesn’t work like that. Misnaged.
The wicked dude expects people to clean up after him. He thinks favors are obligatory, but only one way. His way. Believe it or not, many people are like this. Maybe even you. The guy who’s driving down the highway and misses his exit? Mind you, he’s not in a very good mood to begin with: he woke up late and is late to his appointment. Now he missed his exit. For the second time. But that’s half his problems when he realizes the next exit to U is in 25 miles. So now he’s super angry and having a tantrum all over the place.
But he’s expecting things to be good for him. “Give it to me, make it good, and give it now!” Nobody is obligated to give you a good time, buddy. Push though it.
Then there’s the chasid. He’s just doing favors for everybody, and not expecting to have a good life. Good guy. He’ll probably have a good life.
The bottom line is this.
- my cousin Zalman Friedman's blog spotaneousgeneration.blogspot.com
