Something to Smile About

it's starting to smell like summer
the air is sunny
the breeze is breezy
pool party at my place
trader joes chocolate soy ice cream popsicles
and lotsa sunscreen
:)

Confessions of a People Pleaser

Yes, yes, yes.
Smile.
Sure!
No problem.
Oh, my pleasure.
So not a big deal...
Of course!
Any time.

Life as a people pleaser was good.
I was liked.
You were happy.
Everything was wonderful.

~~~

Then one year I was hired as a teacher at a new school.

The seasoned and slightly fatigued staff welcomed me with warning looks.
And words of doom...
"Look out, they will take advantage of you. Don't be too nice. Be sure to say no!"

And so I did.

~~~

No.
Nope.
Sorry.
Busy.
Gotta go.
Uh, uh.
Maybe later.


Days followed weeks followed months.
The school year was nearly done.

Then one fine day the sweetest, kindest rabbi in all of school approached me, asking for my help with a program for a group of college students.
As usual, I proudly stood my ground.
And with a firm shake of the head, the newly strong, stand-up-for-myself-me apologized.
I was unavailable.

We turned to walk away.
I took a few steps.

Then my heart came crashing down.
From that place where it had been stuck all year.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!
You would love to help... and especially college students... not to mention that this rabbi is the nicest rabbi who goes out of his way to help everyone no matter what no matter who... and what happened to you anyways???"


Sa-wing batta' batta'.
Talk about extremes...

So where's the balance?

~~~

The bottom line is this.
People pleasing is not a problem.
Being a "yes man" is not a bad thing either.

The problem is that most of the time people pleasing is not about pleasing the people.

It's about being liked.

How many times did you do something for a cause, when the cause was really you?

True, it's better to do the kindness for the wrong reasons than not at all...
But there's a time when you need to stop and take a good look at your life.

Why do I do what I do?
How important is it to me that I be liked?
Is this what motivates my goodness?

So yeah, go right ahead, please the people.
When you can of course.
Be pleasant.
Be friendly.
Go out of your way to do another person a kindness.

But remember:

"Life is about helping people, not about them liking you". - B.M. (L.)

Lalalalalaaaaaaaa

Hollywood stars are like bubbles in my pool.

One person's compliment can be another's insult.
Silence is golden.

Big fish, bigger fish, biggest fish. Some people only like to be the biggest fish so they dare not hang with anyone bigger than them lest they be a smaller fish. But then they will never grow or learn anything new.

Matisyahu is a real good Jew.

Some people actually marry for money.

My niece once came home from second grade very upset because her teacher had said a bad word. She wouldn't say it out loud so she whispered in her mother's ear.
"hate".
Wow.

Reality is everything. If you are trying to live in a reality contrary to the lifestyle you were created to live...you will never be happy. Change your reality, change your life.

If you believe, even a rock can heal you.

A Moment of Silence

So much sadness.
Rabbi Levitansky passed away today.
Unbelievable.
Wow.
Some people are meant to live forever.
Leaders.
Legends.

My memories of him are at camp rallies; this little rabbi with the energy and youthfulness of a kid, doing cartwheels on the grass in front of the bleachers to the chants of "Rabbi Levitansky mach ah kuleh..."


Rabbi Levitansky was awesome.
May his family be comforted among the mourners of tzion v'yerushalayim.
I can't even imagine...

(pic for dif)

Dear Sisters,

Be a lighthouse.
Be a lamplighter.
Be a life boat.
Be a bonfire.
Be a spring.
Be a rock.
Be a soldier.
Be a ray.

Warm the hearts of all you meet.
Love peace.
At all costs.
Laugh in the face of peer pressure.
Dance in the shadow of galus.
Beg for Moshiach.

Happy birthday Eli.
You're an honor to me.
Love,
c

Over the Hill and Far Away

The lake at El Dorado Park is famous for it's ducks.
The ones who used to fly and land in our pool.
(using it as a public restroom thus necessitating the need to purchase a blow up shark which shockingly scared them off for good.)

Shavuos afternoon I took Zalman, Shalom and Sheindel for a picnic to the park.
After our fab meal of potato knishes and apple crumble we set off to look for ducks.

Halfway around I stopped dead in my tracks.
More like alive in my tracks.

There.
In front of us.
In the water.

One mama duck with six little ducklings...
Little baby ducklings.
Brand new.
All in a row, swimming in the lake.
They were so tiny!
And fuzzy!!
And adorably adorable!!!

:)

Gevalt.
Hashem is awesome.

Malchus ShebiMalchus

Take a moment and concentrate on yourself,
on your true inner self,
not on your performance and how you project yourself to others;
and be at peace with yourself knowing that G-d created a very special person which is you.

- Simon Jacobson on the last day of the omer.


I'm really gonna miss counting sefirah.

Till next year...
(sniff)
Goodbye my friend.

A Few of my Favorite Things

1. Torrey Pines

















Torrey Pines in La Jolla CA.
It's dry and dusty and windy.
Following a rugged path of green and brown and beige.
Then nature surprises you with a shock of blue.
Oh my goodness.
Awesome sky.
Awesome water.
So steep.
Landing in a paradise.
With cake-like cliffs and stunning ocean views.
Not to mention rock heaven.
I love.


2. Rain

























It's raining.
I'm inside.
Cozy.
Pitter patter on the roof.
Snuggled up in bed.
Wanna stay here all day.
It's drizzling.
Me and Bluma go for a jog.
Misty.
Breathe in.
Fresh as spring.
Splashing on the way to shul with Chaim in brand new patent leather shoes.
Ma's gonna kill.
I love driving through big puddles and making a wall of water.


3. This skirt























Ralph Lauren 4 years ago.
$360
For jean.
Yeah.
My thoughts exactly.
Why buy when you can just save the picture?
So I did.

Sorry

Boomerang, wack.
Ouch.
Life is mighty tricky.
Especially when it comes to other people.

One can never be sensitive enough.
One can never think enough before speaking.
One can never think enough of how someone else will be effected by what they say or do.
Even when they are doing something good.

Does my righteousness cast you in a lesser light?
Do my heartfelt prayers make you sound shabby?

When I grow - does it leave you feeling short?

On a Mountain in the Middle of the Night

Please come.
To my place this Shavuos.
Midnight till the crack of dawn.

All night learning with lots of good food.
Good friends.
Good books.
Good times.
Good chimes.
Good rhymes.
Good cheese cake.

Come what may, please come.
Doesn't matter how.
Just come.

See you there.
At the mountain of life.
Where the roses are sweet.
The thorns are sharp.
All challenges are surmountable.
And your guide is thousands of years old.
Engraved in saphire.
Whichever way you look at it.

Awesome.

T'is an honor to climb with you.
Meet you at the top...
Kings, queens and washing machines.
Not to mention warriors.
And soldiers.
And sisters.
And ice cream.

Kookoo Rikoo

Just because someone has a blog, does that mean they have to post?


Words, words, words.
I'm so sick of words...


What can I say that hasn't already been said?
Stop talking already and do something girl.


Oh this world is such a narrow bridge.
The fine line between too much and too little.

You are nothing.
You are everything.
Don't talk so much.
Don't be so silent.
It's not about you.
It's all about you.

~~~

L'chaim to finding your perfect balance.
Have an awesome week.
Don't beat yourself up if you fall prey to your n.h.
Do something for someone else if you feel depressed.
Greet everyone with a smile.
Judge everyone favorably.
Try to live like a chassid.
What's mine is a yours and what's yours is yours.

And remember - you are the purpose for creation.
Go do something about it.

Come On Inside...

It's been a long time.
Since I knew you.
It's been a long time.
Since I wrote to you.

But does that make me not your soldier?
Not your sister?
Not your friend?
Nacho libre?


~~~~


Regards from a week without internet in an old age home rehabilitation center in Massachusetts.

Oh the experiences...
So very tired.
Must go bed.
Need a serious massage.
Let's talk tomorrow, yes?
Yes.

Ah gutten chodesh to you and you and you.

Mit lib,
chana

Bedtime

I wish I may
I wish I might
Wish you all a real good night.

The day has gone
the sun's in bed.
My shoulders, neck and nose are red.

Yes.
I do believe it was near 100 degrees today.
but swimming has a way of sending the heat on its merry way.
till I'm shivering like a quivering...

So I fair thee well my faithful friends.
And hope the new day brings you blessings revealed.

Sincerely,
Your very tired, wiped, worn out, pleasantly happily peacefully contentedly lovingly comradely comrade, hana.

Too Tired To Post - Must Rob Cousin

CAN YOU LISTEN?
by Z.F.


I must tell my story
There is something on my mind
A clot in my heart I must clear

It happened yesterday
Its impact on me was intense
I'm afraid recovery will take a while

I am telling you my story.
Can you listen to me?

But you answer my question
You advise and analyze,
“Life's not that bad. If there's a will there's a way.”

But I don’t hear you
I’m a heart, not a brain
Don’t give me advice
Don’t tell me it’s false
I can’t understand

I am trying to tell you my story.
Please listen to me.

Change of pace
You encourage and console me instead,
“Oh, you’ll be fine, I’m sure you’ll pull through.”

But I don’t hear you
It is now, not later
Console me then
When I have conquered my grief

I did not tell you my story.
Why can’t you listen to me?

---

I must tell my story
There is something on my mind
And the clot in my heart is still there

What can you do to soften my pain?
Listen. Please, just listen to me.



~~~~~



FOUR TYPES:
by Z.F.

There are four types of people.
The ignorant says “what’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is mine.”
The pious says “what’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is yours.”
The wicked says “what’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is mine.”
Then there are those who know how to count.

The wicked is wicked because he is a robber.
But the ignorant should also be a robber. One may not take another’s possession even with intention to replace it.
And the pious should be poor. Or foolish. We are not supposed to give away more than one fifth of our assets to others (barring certain situations probably not applicable to the pious).

Allow me to conclude therefore, that we are not discussing physical belongings. We are discussing the moral status of a favor.

The ground zero of favors is “what’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is yours.” If I did you a favor, it’s yours. Keep it. It is my gift to you. Don’t bother repaying it, because there is no such thing as “repaying a favor”. And if you do me a favor, don’t think you’re all hot, and you have one on me. I owe you nothing. It was a favor. From your heart.

In short: don’t expect favors. This is the foundation of the moral status of favors. He who knows this, is normal. But he who practices it shouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t make many friends. And you know, in Sodom there were no friends.

If someone thinks favors are exchanges (“I gave you money when you needed it, give me money when I need it! Where’s your hakoras hatov?!”), you know he is plain dumb. Hakoras hatov means I thanked you when you did me a favor. Now go away. You can’t make be beholden to you by being nice to me. It doesn’t work like that. Misnaged.

The wicked dude expects people to clean up after him. He thinks favors are obligatory, but only one way. His way. Believe it or not, many people are like this. Maybe even you. The guy who’s driving down the highway and misses his exit? Mind you, he’s not in a very good mood to begin with: he woke up late and is late to his appointment. Now he missed his exit. For the second time. But that’s half his problems when he realizes the next exit to U is in 25 miles. So now he’s super angry and having a tantrum all over the place.
But he’s expecting things to be good for him. “Give it to me, make it good, and give it now!” Nobody is obligated to give you a good time, buddy. Push though it.

Then there’s the chasid. He’s just doing favors for everybody, and not expecting to have a good life. Good guy. He’ll probably have a good life.

The bottom line is this.




- my cousin Zalman Friedman's blog spotaneousgeneration.blogspot.com

Now You Hear Em...

CLICK HERE

8th Day MySpace
Lag B'Omer Special
One Day Only
Come All Day
Songs Are Subject To Change













Get in the mood people!!!

Havdallah Has Been Said

It's LAG B'OMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAHHHHH!

I forgot how much I love music!
Actually I didn't.
But I forgot how much I miss it.

:)

Dancing.
Dancing
Cartwheeling.
Doing the jig.
Heart growing.
Growing.
Growing.
Expanding.
Filling me up...
Smiling.
SINGING!
Dancing.

Wooooooooooohooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!
Shmuli is awesome.
I love the new CD.

this.title.intentionally.left.blank.com

I'm in middle of making an apple pie for shabbos.
Phone rings.
Gotta check a flight on my laptop.
I run upstairs.
Can't resist posting something...

:)

Memories are full of smells.
and sounds.
and sights.
and songs.
and sonnets.
and special people.
and so many awesome things that we ought not to ever take for granted.

I love waking up on Friday morning to the smells of shabbos cooking downstairs; the gefilte fish, challah, soup.
My mother tells of when she lived in 1414 President St. back in the day, eight kids in that tiny apartment.
Waking shabbos mornings to the sounds of her mother chopping eggs for the egg salad in a metal bowl using a metal chopper.
Chop.
Chop.
Chop.
Every shabbos morning.
For as far as she can remember.

Whenever I hear "azamer bishvachin" being sung I can literally smell the chicken soup.
Bentzy wrote a song "azamer bishvachin" for the new album.
It talks about an old woman whose favorite thing is to hear the songs of shabbos.
And her favorite was azamer bishvachin...

"time it moved so slowly then...we thought those days would never end"...

Driving to the aquarium chol hamoed pesach, thinking of bubby who loved zaidy's shabbos singing more than anything in the world and crying my eyes out.
End song, repeat, end song, repeat, end song, repeat, end song, repeat.
I love that song.

Ok.
Fine.
I have to go finish making the apple pie.

Hmmm...

Why is it that the things that some people love about you, others can't stand?
Why is it that the creepy crawly in our pool keeps getting stuck?
Why is humility such a tricky thing?
Why do we constantly need to be patted on the back?
Why doesn't moshiach come already?
Why do people need to be right?
Why do the dishes need to be washed every night?
Why are mileage tickets available only at the worst flying times?
Why is the neitzer hara such a brat?
Why do people like to blog?

Why don't I go to bed?


Manis says there's no such thing as why.
He also says that when people say 'old and wise', it's not automatic.

When i was a kid...

Week five day one.
Chesed of Hod.
Lovingkindness in Humilty.
(didn't know loving kindness could be one word...cool.)

Exercise for the day:
Before praying with humility and acknowledgement of G-d, give some charity.
It will enhance your prayers.

- Simon Jacobson. A Spiritual Guide to The Counting of the Omer.

~~~~

"Tzedaka, tzedaka, tzedaka.
that it was what we give...
even a penny a day,
before we start to pray."

The theme song of every lucky young child's Jewish kindergarten education.

I was no exception.
With those two pennies taped to my lunchbox.
Or my pencil case.
Or my backpack.
Or left on the counter at home.
Or in my mommy's pocket.

We always knew to bring tzedaka and give it before davvening each day.

Why is it that certain things strengthen as we grow older, while others just fade?
What happened to my giving tzedaka before davvening?

I pull down my trusty pushka from the shelf.
Count out 90 pennies.
Trade it for a dollar.
Should last me a few months...

Sometimes I need to stop and reflect.
With all that I do now, do I still remember what they taught us in kindergarten...

Gmail Inbox 6:14 am (3 1/2 hours ago)

wow.

I had a real bad night.

I was feeling so angry at myself.

The weak part of me just wants to please and be accepted.

I probably acted like a moron.

Today i awake.

Refreshed and normal.

The woes of yesterday are but a trifle.

its never too late!





(editor's note: couldn't have said it better. morning is the greatest cure and relief for life's rollercoasters. hamichadesh bituvo bichol yom tamid. refreshed. renewed. re-inspired. l'chaim. thanks for the email this pesach sheini morning. it was perfect.)

Girl Addicted to Internet

1:38 am
been stuck on ohmygooshness.com for an hour.
sheesh.
this site is too much fun.
a creative, free spirited dream of sorts.
must go sleepy.
g'night.
for real.
:)





















funky couch heaven.











awesome fabrics!

























these are teapot warmers...ahhhh!

























fantastic lampshades

























chiller patterns.













































this is a toast designer thingymabobber.
wow.

If I had an ipod...

A Change of Scenery

This picture is refreshing and I just want to say goodnight and that tonight is chesed of hod and I really don't want sefirah to end...

Dear soldier,
Thanks for reminding me what things were like back in the day day.
Don't forget from where you're from, there's a child in everyone...
8th day has pushed off its release date till julyish - but don't be sad because they are just adding some incredibly awesome vocals and harmonies and basically you will love it.
Or you won't.
Whatever.
I have to stop trying to convince people to like what I like.
So like whatever you want to like.
As long as you like something.
Anything.

Happy Pesach Sheini.
Enjoy the matzah.
And the second chances.

Shalom Bachutz.
Peace out.

Who's Your G-d?

Shopping one day in the Crown Heights section of Brooklyn NY, I walked into a women's clothing shop on Kingston Ave.

How anyone shops there I do not know, as things are so jam-packed you need herculean strength just to part the items hanging from the racks.

Regardless, I waltzed right on in, pretending for just a moment that I could afford the luxury of actually purchasing something.

Behind me a girl walked in.
Jewish.
Orthodox.
Beautiful.

She was dressed for summer, with all it's challenges.

Skirt far too short, sleeves much too high, neckline...yikes.
Um, yeah...didn't seem like she cared much for the basic guidelines of modesty...

Anyhoo, it was shortly after my stint with Jessica the Color Goddess, and I was still slightly obsessed with my color pallette book, bringing it with me whenever I shopped.

Naively thinking I'm the only one in the world who ever got my colors done, I was happily surprised to see this girl whip out her own little color book filled with her colored fabric swatches.

As we shopped I overheard bits of the conversation going on between the store owner and the girl.
"No, it's too pink, Jessica said the pink has to have more orange in it...
Not exactly the style she told me to wear...
I'm not allowed to wear black...
Or stripes...
The green is a little to bright...
Only crisp lines, Jessica says to stay away from anything too flowy..."

My goodness.
The details of shopping with your pallette.
If the color is slightly off, the cut a little too whatever and the fabric not exactly right...it's no good.
I could totally relate.
:)
Jessica-itis.



The whole situation started me thinking...

Just by the looks of it, something tells me that this girl has an issue with being told what to do and what to wear.

But somehow when it comes to Jessica, suddenly it's all good.
And every single solitary detail is important.

Hmmmm.

Life is all about choices.
Everybody worships something...

It's just a question of what.

Or Who.



p.s.
Good luck with summer my friends.
That neitzer hara is a tricky little feller...