farbrengen with myself at 2:00 in the morning

cyber life is merely a reflection of reality
popularity contests masquerade themselves as blogs/myspace/facebook...


tonight i just wanna shut down my facebook account

what's the point? to see how many people i know?
who am i kidding
friends?
half of these people i wouldn't feel comfortable enough to call tonight for a chat

***

but then again it's not called friendbook, it's called facebook
the faces of our lives
that's the cool thing about it.
the ability to hook up with random people you otherwise would have no connection with
like jordana wayne who used to be the first one picked up on the bus cuz she lived all the way in downey when fooman was our bus driver and the bus stunk like smelly rags and this gross cleaning spray he used to clean witth every day and fooman would say don't anyone make a peep and jordana would say "peep".
that's cool

***

but it also gives you an unwanted peek into the lives of some people you'd rather not peek into
like the ones who if you met them on the street you would never know how lost and confused they are but then you go onto their facebook and pictures don't lie and you're like noooooo don't tell me you fell for the world and all it's shtuyot!
dang
i hate that

***

on the other hand it's quite the convenient method of keeping up with people you met over the summer while travelling in israel sans camera who were kind enough to take pictures of you on the hike through nachal amud and then tagged you so not only you can remember what an awesome trip you had but all your friends can travel vicariously through you and then comment on your pictures with quotes like "chani you look amazing" and make you feel like a million bucks.

***

then there's the whole privacy issue
i feel as if suddenly my cellphone is picking up snippets of hundreds of conversations that i have no right to evesdrop on and telling me all kinds of things i have no business knowing

***

so i want to shut down
now
tonight

***

but then i think - ahh, get over yourself girl its just a stupid facebook
no need to get all worked up about it
there's stupidity everywhere you go
and besides you always overreact and take everything so seriously
why must you always see the bad in things
focus on the good


***

then i realize i'm blabbing to a whole bunch of people i don't even know and i should probably shut up cuz this is worse than facebook

lol

Light and Fluffy

They say I'm too heavy
too deep
too thoughtful

They say I take things
just a little too seriously

They say
I speak
in short
splurty
sentences

They say
take a chill pill
on a crooked hill
till
the sun fill
bill
mill

Run along now dear
no need to care
life isn't that meaningful

Relax

You're not meant to take each lesson to heart
the stuff you learn
in those holy books
leave it for the holy ones...
and besides
it's giving me the heebie jeebies

They'd rather
I keep it all
light
and
fluffy

silly
chilly
randomly random
blah
blah
blah
pitter patter chatter

;)

.
.
.
.
.
.


But not you
noooo
not you
you're right here with me


nah
you're way ahead of me


~~~

dedicated to a year old friend from the town near the ocean with the beautiful sunset filled sky.
g'night my dear...
:)

Lick and Stamp

Dearest friend,


for the days you really needed someone to talk to
so you called
but i was too busy
do i said i'd call back
thinking it was one of those days you just wanted to chat


i'm sorry



for all those times i wasn't myself
cuz i was uncomfortable and over-compensating
or self conscious in a crowd
so i said things i didn't mean


i'm sorry



for all those little moments
getting annoyed with you
for stupid things i do myself
but i expect everyone else to forgive me


i'm sorry



for rolling my eyes
for putting you on hold
for leaving a little bruise on your heart
for saying the wrong thing
for not backing you up
for taking away some of your chips
for being too closed
for being too open


for loving myself more


i'm sorry


~~~~


gmar chasima tova

it's a whole new year...
moshiach better come.

love
to
you
all

c




p.s. for trying to sound poetic on my blog... sorry about that too :)

Happy Roshashana

Sitting in Shmateo

eating frosted flakes

and soy milk

in a fleishig bowl

on erev rosh hashana 5768.


~~~~

I remember once going to the Ohel with my little sister.

And as I sat writing,

surrounded by people writing away their sorrows,

all those sobbing sphardim, pensive chassidim, teary eyed moms...

she sat there slightly bored.

Having already written the general intro and extro on her pan.

She turned to me -

"Chani, I have nothing to write."

~~~~



This Rosh Hashana I give you all a bracha

that you should never have "anything to write",

no true sorrows, struggles, hardships, health/wealth/relationship issues to cry about.


We should only pray from gratefulness and thankfulness and joy

rather than from lack and need and sorrow.



Moshiach nower.


Ksivah v'chasima tova ~ L'shana tova umesuka ~ A gut gebentched yar


Love,

Chani

green yellow pink

one day my cell phone rang and i didn't want to look and see who it was cuz all day the phone rang and it was about annoying work or uncomfy decisions or stressful situations...

ring
ring
ring

ignore
ignore
ignore

then my curiosity got the best of me...
i peeked at the caller id...

.
.
.

relief
floods
my
whole
body

huge
smile

:)
:)
:)


IT WAS YOU!!!




(phew)